Without You
by MaxOD
Summary: Ash has asked Misty to meet her. Misty knows it can't be good. Could he be leaving her again? Involves a bit of emotional turmoil. Pokeshipping one shot.


This is something I came up with fairly quickly. I think it's pretty good!

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The shine of the moon cut through the night sky. Stars twinkled across the horizon, giving an impression of complete infinity. Everything was silent, as if the world itself was stood still. The silence spoke louder than anything. I could sit here hours, I thought. I could sit here hours waiting for you.

It took me a long time to prepare myself for this. I knew it was coming, I knew it had to come at some point. I knew our shy looks and nervous moments could only last so long. I had waited for this day for so long that once, when I first heard you wanting to meet me alone, I was thrilled. My heart skipped a beat, the world turned on its axis, joy flooded through my sparse, lonely veins. But now, sat alone on the cold loveless bench next to a vast, limitless sky, I couldn't help feeling like my time was up. This façade was about to be extinguished, my hopes would be crushed.

You had given me a time, but I got there earlier, just to look around me for a while. The moon was a glowing spectre, an omniscient observer looking out across the world. I wish I could do that, I thought. I wish I could know everything that would happen, all the feelings I will feel, so I wouldn't be so scared of the future. A future without you is one I never want to consider. A future without you is worthless, meaningless and would seemingly go against the nature of my existence.

The days felt so much longer. I would get up from my bed, look at my room in a dissatisfied fashion, feeling like something was missing, and would head downstairs. I would have breakfast, listen to the radio (hoping I would hear some news about you) and open the door to the Cerulean Gym. I would prepare my Pokémon, getting them out of their poke balls, giving them some exercise and wait for someone to arrive. There always was someone. They usually reminded me of you in some way, whether it was the determination to win, or the charming twinkle in their eye, or simply their hair. It was times like this where my heart would rise slightly, as I remembered you, until reality struck me. It isn't you, I thought, and I let my heart continue to beat lifelessly in my chest.

It had been too long, Ash, too long. You left for a while, leaving me by myself, leaving me miserable and alone. I longed for you; I looked at pictures of us every night, hoping, dreaming of the times we used to have. I clung onto the past, scared of moving forward because moving forward would be excepting that you would never come back, never be a big part in my life again, and I couldn't…just thinking about that made my heartbeat quicken senselessly.

I felt like my heart was attached to you with a piece of string: the further you got away from me, the more it hurt. Some days it was unbearable, some days I wondered whether life was worth this much pain. You didn't seem to care- you rarely called, and when you did it was a quick, emotionless affair, like you were doing a chore or ripping off a band aid. I felt like you didn't really want to be there, like you were ticking off something on your 'to do' list. Because that's what I felt I was to you, Ash, something else to do, without thought. I hated myself for thinking you loved me back, and I hated you for doing this to me.

Then, you returned. Brock had helped me through the pain, but there was little he could do. I was starting to have more good days than bad. I was beginning to feel that maybe there was a light at the end of the tunnel. Then, Brock rang me one day, ecstatic. 'He's back, Misty!' he exclaimed. I'd rarely seen him that excited over anything that wasn't a member of the opposite sex. I couldn't take the information in at first; it felt like meaningless words. I put them together, and my heart rose. It felt like I had been tied down, and was now being released from the knots grip. When I saw you; your scruffy black hair, your backpack, your blue and white jacket, I felt an emotion so intense, so uncontrollable that I cried. You didn't understand, but I never expected you to. To you, it was just a friend happy that you were back. To me, it was a love who had returned back to me, filling me with purpose and meaning again.

For the first few days, I was exhilarated: I was feeling the same emotions I had felt when we were together, exploring the world, going on adventures with endless possibility. I became excited about seeing you, barely being able to sleep. I tried to lay off asking questions about why your contact had been so sparse. I didn't want to ruin what was, to me, the happiest I had been for a long time. But, I couldn't help myself, Ash. Something was etching away at me- it wasn't a case of being nosy, I _had_ to know. So, I asked you one day 'why did you hardly contact me?' Your expression was confused, as if you were physically unable to answer the question. You looked to the ground, your long thick hair dangling over your fringe. You began to shuffle slightly- it was clear such a question made you uncomfortable. I was left hanging because Brock then came into the room and, as we always did, we averted each others gaze.

On days when hardly anyone came into the gym, I would give you battles. I'd like to think I'd improved after facing you the last time, and I was bubbling with anticipation to face you. You were excellent; in every battle. The way you would command your Pokémon, the way you tactically found weaknesses, the way your eye would twinkle with anticipation and determination. Being in battle against you, I was constantly reminded of why I fell in love with you. You were strong minded, brimming with emotion. I longed for you to feel love for me with such intensity.

You showed off your badges quite a lot. Rightfully so, I would if I had won so many battles. Still, I couldn't help but be a little jealous. You had accomplished so much with your life, Ash. You were seventeen! You always had those moments of accomplishment to look back on and, in that respect, I don't think you quite realised how lucky you were, not in battles, but with a knowledge that your life had turned out even better than your wildest expectations. I look at you as a sign of strength, if only to reinstate my belief that life has to get better. I imagine us together and my heart races; I feel your heartbeat in sync with mine, the touch of your hand, the brushing away of my hair from my eyes…

I could go on, but it hurts too much. It's like whenever I think too much about us, the same wound in my heart is opened. I begin shaking uncontrollably, as if my body is etching me to continue, to live my life as a fantasy. Because in the fantasy, Ash, we are together and we are happy.

I heard a noise coming from the left of me. I turn my head slowly and feel the brush of the cool night air on my face. I knew it was you. The moonlight shone off you, like you were had an otherworldly presence. I couldn't help smiling, as my heart jumped. Just being in your presence gave me goose bumps, taking me back to when I was a shy 10 year old, back to when we had first met.

You sat down beside me. Your dark black hair looked as scruffy as ever. I told you before to comb it, but you preferred it this way. Your appearance was the same: the baseball cap, your backpack, everything, except something had changed in you. I think it was your eyes. They suddenly glinted with a passion I'd rarely seen in you. I could stare at your eyes forever.

You looked at me first, your face showing deep concern. I tried to give an impression I was fine, but I found it difficult. I was the first to speak.

"Where's Pikachu?" I asked. My voice sounded uncertain. I felt like I was stepping into uncharted waters. I knew this conversation would change everything.

You looked up at the moon and the stars. You left your right hand on the bench, as if showing that you cared. "I left him at the Pokémon Centre. He was protesting- you know how he gets like."

There was silence again. Echoes of the night stretched around us. The sound of trees blowing in the wind softened the intensity of the speech. It was as if the world was trying to fill the silence, as if it itself had become uncomfortable. Once again, I broke the silence. "You're leaving, aren't you? Again?"

You turned your head to the ground, trying to find words to soften the blow. There was no way of softening it, Ash. It doesn't matter what you would have said- it still would have felt like my heart had been torn out. "Misty, I…"

"Ash, please don't!" I exclaimed, feeling close to tears. "Just say it! Don't give me excuses!" I began shaking again. I hated my obvious vulnerability. A tear trickled down my cheek. "Are you going or not?"

You stared at me, with a look of deep regret. I'd never seen you look so sorry in your whole life. "I'm sorry, Misty…" You reached out to touch my cheek, but I hit it away. I didn't want you seeing me like this, let alone acknowledge it.

"Say it, Ash!" I exclaimed, my heart slowly breaking, as the fantasy I had created came crashing down around me.

You sighed. "Yes, Misty, I'm going. I'm heading off- they're other tournaments for me to compete in. I'm not done yet."

I couldn't help laughing bitterly. "Like you're ever going to be done, Ash. You've been at it for seven years now. You'll still be doing it in twenty-seven years time!"

"That's not true! I do plan to stop, eventually."

"What if another one comes up, huh? It's ridiculous! You're so insecure about your own abilities you have to compete against everyone. It's pathetic!" I was shouting at you- upset, unable to understand why you were so quick to get rid of me again.

You turned to stare at me. I felt your dark brown eyes pierce my exterior, looking deep into me. I felt exposed. "I will stop, Misty. I just need to do this."

"Fine," I said, "well you just do that. See if I care!" With that, I began walking quickly away from you. I wanted to go somewhere, anywhere. My heart was pumping blood furiously. I was angry with you, your ambitions, your hopes, your dreams. But, most of all, I was angry with myself, for letting myself fall deeply for someone where there was no future. There was only the past; I was stuck in a pit, stuck in a repressive, regressive relationship where I only had the past to comfort me.

"Misty!" you shouted from behind me. I didn't stop. You repeated the call, this time more insistently.

You eventually reached up to me. "Misty, stop! Just listen to me!"" You grabbed hold of my hand and pulled me towards you. I put my hands round your waist and began blubbering in your arms. The thought of losing you again caused unimaginable pain. It was sheering, like a high pitched cry that cut through the empty spaces. You put your arms round me.

"Misty…" you said, pausing, seemingly unable to find the right words. "Misty, I l…"

"Please," I begged. "Please don't say it. It'll hurt even more if you say it." I buried my head into your chest, feeling momentarily comforted.

You brought my head up to look deep into your eyes. "Ok, I won't say it. But I do, though." Our stare seemed to go on forever, as if time had stood still. I felt like the whole world was watching, that nothing else mattered except this moment. I put my hand on your neck and pulled you into a kiss. Your lips were soft and comforting. I can't remember how long it lasted, but it felt wonderful.

"I'm sorry; Ash, but I can't do it again. I can't go through it another time- it hurts too much…" I suddenly felt content with showing you my soul, my very being. My emotions were racing, I felt myself blush.

"Misty, I'm sorry for everything I've put you through. It won't happen again, not like last time. You have to believe me, Misty- I'll come back to you."

Uncertainty clouded over me. "I don't know, Ash…"

"I'll ring much more often, I'll write, I'll contact you as much as possible," you said, slipping your hand into my palm. Your hand was warm, and I squeezed it tight. "I'll do everything possible to make you believe I can do this. I won't let you down again, Misty. I love you."

I couldn't take the importance of the words in. I smiled, and I blushed furiously. "I'm not sure- you could be gone years…"

"I won't be. Hang on; I'll prove it to you." You ran back the way you came, coming back with your backpack.

"What are you doing?" I asked, as you began rooting through your backpack. I saw a beaming smile on your face as you told me to close my eyes.

"Why?"

"Just do it, Misty!" you exclaimed. I hesitantly did I was told. You placed something in my hand. It was light; I couldn't properly make it out.

"Now open them!"

I stared down at the small object, and gasped with surprise. It was the lure I had given you when we were first together. I was shocked; I thought you would have lost it a long time ago. "Ash, how do you still have this?"

You smiled, knowing you had surprised me. "It's one of my most cherished possessions, Misty! Like I was ever going to lose it! It's to give you reassurance. It's so you know that I'll come back for you."

"How long do you think you'll be?" I asked. I couldn't let myself be happy yet; I was still hesitant about you going away again. Everything was moving so fast it was difficult to contemplate it.

"There are two tournaments. It shouldn't take me more than five to six months."

I looked down at the lure, and embraced you. "Is that a 'yes', Misty?"

"It's a yes, Ash. I love you too."

We talked for hours, until the sun slowly began to appear over the horizon. The bright orange cascaded across the sky, the burning red creating a sight of pure beauty. The world began turning again, slowly people began to reappear. It was as if I had been dreaming. If so, I never wanted to wake up. You had promised me something, something I knew you would keep. As you walked away through the dazzling sunrise, I knew you would keep it. My body was in shock, as if it couldn't cope being so happy. I was shaking, but not with anticipation, with joy.

I turned away from the world and began to walk home. I couldn't stop smiling. I had never been so happy. Something told me this was the beginning of something beautiful.

A bird cried, as it flew across the opening sky.

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Thanks for reading! Please R and R if possible!


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